How to be a Maternal Mental Health Ally

While it’s Maternal Mental Health Awareness week, we want to highlight that mental health disorders impact both mothers and fathers. We’ll use the more inclusive term “Perinatal Mental Health” because all parents need emotional and mental health support in pregnancy and early parenthood, including birthing parents, non-birthing parents, adoptive parents, and foster parents. Check out our Myths about Maternal Mental Health blog post to learn more.

Mental health disorders are the most common complication of pregnancy. One in five women and one in ten men will experience a perinatal mental health disorder. Even more people will experience symptoms, which is why it’s so important to be screened and assessed by a clinician.  Over a third of women may experience symptoms of depression, while half of women may experience anxiety symptoms. More research is needed to determine these statistics for men.

Even though perinatal mental health disorders are treatable, up to two-thirds of women experiencing mental health symptoms are never diagnosed, let alone treated. Parents face multiple hurdles in receiving the treatment they need:

  • These disorders can be difficult to self-diagnose. Everyone says “Parenthood is hard,” yet it can be difficult to recognize how hard is too hard.
  • Parents may face shame and fear stigma about their mental health, preventing them from seeking support. When we hear messages about pregnancy being “glowy” and parenthood being “the best season of life”, it can feel uncomfortable to admit when it doesn’t feel that way.
  • Many healthcare providers are not trained to screen and treat perinatal mental health disorders. Even when screened, providers may not appropriately refer patients to treatment.

How you can be an ally for perinatal mental health

In the face of these hurdles, we can all work together to make sure no parent suffers silently from mental health disorders in pregnancy or early parenthood. Here’s how you can help:

1. Check in with parents about their emotional and mental health

Parents may hesitate to express how they are doing mentally and emotionally. Some call perinatal depression “the smiling depression” because parents want to present themselves as having the “best season of life.” You can ask thoughtful questions about a parent’s well-being to uncover if they are experiencing perinatal mental health symptoms. Below are some questions that can open up the sensitive topics related to the common signs and symptoms of perinatal mental health.

Mood

  • How have you been feeling recently?
  • Does your mood feel different than before?

Anxiety or Worry

  • Has anything been worrying you recently?
  • What’s been on your mind?

Sleep

  • How has your sleep been?
  • What is it like falling asleep these days?

Eating

  • How has your appetite been?

Social Connection

  • Are you getting the support you need?
  • What kind of support do you wish you had?
  • Do you feel that you have someone to talk to about your day-to-day?

Another way to open up conversations about difficult topics can be to share stories as a point of connection. Here are some ways to share and lead into a question about well-being:

  • Many parents share that they feel ________ (e.g., lonely, worried, overwhelmed, etc.). How have you been feeling recently?
  • I remember feeling ________. What has your experience been like?
  • I’ve heard that many parents struggle with ________. How have you handled this so far?
  • A parent recently told me ________. Have you experienced this as well?

These conversations can normalize mental health and create a safe space for parents to share their feelings and experiences. The key is to open a dialog and listen non-judgmentally. If you have advice to offer, ask permission first. For example, you can ask, “Would you like some advice?” Or better yet, ask if the parent wants to be “helped heard, or hugged.”

You can also recommend that they download the Moment for Parents app in the Google Play or Apple App Store. We developed this app to create a safe space for parents to share what’s really going on and get support navigating the highs and lows of parenthood.

2. Proactively support parents in pregnancy and early parenthood

Pregnancy and early parenthood can be an overwhelming and lonely time, making it hard to reach out for help and support. Even when offered help, parents may struggle to pinpoint what help they need, feel overwhelmed by the effort to coordinate help, and/or feel as if they ought to do it themselves. Anne Helen Petersen, author of Culture Study, elaborates on the challenges in asking for and accepting help and offers the Emergency/Tough Times Guide as a strategy for communities to overcome these obstacles. Highly recommend!

You can shift the burden of asking for and accepting help from parents by making concrete offers of support. For example, you can:

  • Ask if you can organize a meal train
  • Offer to help with household chores at a certain time
  • Offer to take care of the baby at a certain time so parents have some time for themselves
  • If they have older children, offer to babysit them

As Brené Brown says, clear is kind. The clearer your offer is, the easier it can be for parents to determine how it fits into their lives—ultimately, making it easier to accept the help. A strong social support system can both protect parents from mental health challenges and serve as an early warning system if symptoms develop.

3. Know the signs of perinatal mental health disorders

There are a range of perinatal mental health disorders, including depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and postpartum psychosis. Each of these disorders has a different set of symptoms, yet there’s overlap in the signs. Also, parents may experience multiple disorders. For example, many parents will experience symptoms of both perinatal depression and anxiety.

Learning the signs and symptoms of perinatal mental health disorders allows us to notice when a parent may need additional support. Here are a few places to learn more about the different perinatal disorders, along with what signs to look out for:

4. Learn about the perinatal mental health resources in your community

If a parent is struggling with their emotional well-being, you can help lower the hurdles for accessing help. To begin, you can identify the perinatal mental health resources available in your community. These resources could include perinatal mental health support groups, therapists, and treatment centers. Here are some resources to find what resources are available in your community and/or state:

Tragically, there is a severe shortage of perinatal mental health professionals in the United States. In addition to local resources, there are two national hotlines available to support parents with mental health challenges via phone or text in both English and Spanish:

It can be a delicate conversation to suggest that a parent seek out perinatal mental health care. Here are some ways you can broach this conversation:

  • I’ve noticed this phase of parenthood has been very difficult. Have you considered getting support from a therapist?
  • Another parent recently told me how much she has benefitted from therapy as a new parent. Is this something you might consider?
  • I recently learned about [name of local resource]. I’m wondering if you might find it a helpful option to support you in this phase of parenthood.

Finally, you can help lower the barriers to accessing support by offering to:

  • Being with them to make the calls/texts for support
  • Take care of the baby or older kids during appointments
  • Drive them to/from appointments
  • Help understand their insurance coverage for perinatal mental health care and/or options for sliding scale services

At Moment for Parents, we envision a world where no parent suffers silently from perinatal mood disorders. We can all contribute to this mission by helping parents overcome stigma and access the support they need. It takes courage and effort, yet it is life-changing for the parents and kiddos in our communities. Help us spread the word about being a perinatal mental health ally by sharing this article!

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