Beth Zalantai, MSc, is a clinically trained mental health professional with extensive experience delivering and supervising evidence-based psychological care. As a mom and therapist, Beth provides compassionate support for moms navigating their mental health.
When you see so many perfectly-curated versions of parenthood and the “perfect mom” in the media, it's easy to get caught up in aspiring to be this ideal figure. But the reality is that you are human. Humans don’t have unlimited energy levels, and sometimes you feel challenging emotions. Things don't always go according to plan. And that's okay.
If you’re constantly focused on the parent you wish you could be, you might lose sight of the amazing parent you already are. Let’s talk about how you can love yourself as the person you are right now.
Despite how hard you try to be a certain way, you may never be completely satisfied (think: "the grass is always greener on the other side"). Striving for a perfect standard can damage your self-worth and leave you frustrated, exhausted, or burnt out.
On an episode of the podcast The Mom Hour, hosts Megan and Sarah discuss the idea of a "fantasy mom—”the version of yourself you imagine in a perfect world. They talk about how chasing this fantasy can make you feel like you’re acting in someone else’s story, instead of living your own. Because the mom you wish you were is not always who you are inside, striving to be the perfect mom may cause you to lose your sense of authenticity.
When the pressure to be perfect creeps in, you can remind yourself of your worth with a self-love mantra. These are some of our favorites:
• "I have enough, I do enough, I am enough."
• "Everything I need is within me."
• “I am exactly the person my child needs.”
Embracing these mantras can help you let go of the pressure to be perfect and, instead, focus on being present and genuine.
You have unique qualities and strengths that make you who you are. For example, maybe you stay calm in chaos, you’re great at helping your kids solve problems, or you have a knack for turning everyday moments into fun learning experiences. Your strengths are invaluable as a parent, and they help create a nurturing and loving environment for your family. When you start thinking about your "fantasy mom," pause and remember that your authentic self is exactly who your children need.
While you're wishing you could be like someone else, remember that someone else wishes they could be more like you. Comparison is a never-ending cycle that can drain your confidence. Each of us brings something special to the table. By focusing on your own strengths and authenticity, you model self-love for your children and show them it’s okay to be imperfect.
Remember that the "fantasy mom" is just that—a fantasy. Instead of yearning to be someone you’re not, embrace the beautiful and imperfect person that you are. Your uniqueness, strengths, and authenticity are the gifts that will shape your child’s life in the most profound ways. Release the weight of unattainable expectations, and instead, focus on being the best version of yourself. You are enough.