For better or for worse, change is an inevitable and constant companion throughout motherhood. Just when we feel like we've mastered one aspect of parenting, our children bring new waves of change that challenge us to adapt once again. You may find yourself in a state of constant adjustment, navigating a new reality filled with a mix of emotions.
In this article, we will explore the three phases of change described by Bruce Feiler in his book Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age and discuss strategies for gracefully navigating each stage. Before we dive in, it's important to acknowledge that most people do not go through these changes in a linear pattern. Instead, they may jump from phase to phase, returning to a phase multiple times.
The first phase of change, "The Long Goodbye," involves saying farewell to something you once held dear—a habit, an idea, or an expectation. During pregnancy and motherhood, this might mean letting go of preconceived notions about parenting or saying goodbye to certain aspects of your pre-pregnancy life. In this phase, you may experience a sense of grief for what was. Give yourself permission to mourn the changes.
One effective strategy for managing this phase is to acknowledge both what has been lost and what has been gained. Take a moment to reflect on the changes that have occurred and the valuable lessons you have learned. Celebrate the new strengths and wisdom you have acquired through these experiences. By recognizing the positives amidst the farewells, you can pave the way for a smoother transition into the next phase.
The second stage of change, "The Messy Middle," is where the real challenge lies. This is the phase where you find yourself in the midst of adjusting to the new reality, and it can feel uncomfortable and confusing. You may experience doubts and uncertainties about your abilities to handle the changes that have come your way.
During this stage, remind yourself that uncertainty and imperfection are a part of the process. Instead of trying to have everything under control, embrace the messiness and unpredictability. Give yourself the grace to make mistakes and learn from them. Remember that no one has all the answers, and it's okay not to have everything figured out. This is a time for growth and learning, and it's okay to take things one step at a time.
The final phase of change is all about "Welcoming the New." It's the time when you start to settle into the new reality, and you can view this phase as a fresh start or a new environment where the change has taken place. While it may be challenging to fully embrace the changes at first, focusing on the positive aspects can make all the difference. Change brings not only differences, but also opportunities to acquire new habits, skills, and perspectives. As you settle into a new situation, take note of your successes—both big and small.
Although it can be uncomfortable and even scary, change presents opportunities to grow and evolve in your role as a parent. By embracing change as a powerful tool for growth and learning, you build your strength and resilience.