We have all experienced failures before, and undoubtedly, we will continue to face them in the future. But it's crucial to remember that our failures do not define us. Just as you wouldn't label your child a failure for making a mistake, you can develop the self-compassion needed to stop doing that to yourself.
Ginny Kochis's blog post about failure provides a powerful framework for dealing with failure in which we review, reinvent, and release negative feelings about ourselves and our capabilities. We often hear from moms who feel like a failure because they are struggling to balance their careers with motherhood. Let's apply this framework to this example:
The first step in cultivating self-compassion is to review a past situation in which things didn't go as planned. When we encounter failure, our minds may link it to our self-worth and abilities. However, we can catch ourselves in these moments and remind ourselves that we are not our failures. Failing is part of the human experience and does not diminish your value as an individual.
Example:
As a working mom, you find it challenging to balance your professional responsibilities and spending quality time with your family. There are moments when you might feel guilty for not being able to be present for every important event or feeling overwhelmed with the demands of both roles.
The good news is that we have the power to reinvent our failures and how we perceive ourselves. Instead of viewing these moments as pitfalls, you can choose to see them as valuable lessons. Every setback is an opportunity for growth and learning. Embracing this mindset allows you to evolve and become more resilient. By embracing failure as a stepping stone, you open yourself up to new possibilities and personal development.
Example:
Instead of feeling burdened by the struggle, try to reframe the situation. Understand that many working moms face similar challenges and that it's okay to seek support and find solutions that work for you and your family. Embrace the idea that it's not about being perfect in either role but about finding a functional balance that allows you to be fulfilled both as a professional and as a mom. Consider this an opportunity to communicate with your employer about flexible work options or other accommodations that could give you more time with your family without compromising your career.
The final step on the path to self-compassion is to release your negative feelings. Take a deep breath, and imagine letting go of self-criticism as you exhale. Acknowledge that failure is a part of everyday life and that experiencing failures does not make you a failure. Repeat to yourself, "Failure is an event, not a person." Embrace these moments as opportunities for growth and self-improvement, and let go of any lingering doubts about your abilities as a mom.
Example:
Let go of the guilt and pressure to be a supermom who can effortlessly handle both work and family without a hitch. Accept that there will be moments of imbalance. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are doing your best, and that's more than enough.
As mothers, we tend to be our harshest critics, but treating ourselves with kindness and understanding is so important. Just as we offer unconditional love and support to our children, we can extend the same compassion to ourselves. You are human, and failure is an inevitable part of the process. By acknowledging that failure is an event and not a reflection of your identity, you can break free from the clutches of self-doubt and the inner critic. Celebrate your successes, learn from your failures, and above all, shower yourself with the same love and compassion you bestow upon your baby.