As mothers, our desire to provide the best for our families is at the heart of everything we do. While society drives us to aim for perfection, striving for these often unattainable standards can leave us feeling exhausted and defeated. The good news is that by reframing our thinking and embracing imperfection, we can find a more self-compassionate and fulfilling way to parent. Sometimes, what’s best for our families is to embrace imperfection and do things the “easy” way. In this article, we will explore the concept of "doing what works" and how it can bring you closer to your family.
Motherhood is filled with unexpected challenges, and it's important to be gentle with yourself during this time. It can be so disappointing when things don't go the way you imagined, but reframing your thinking can help you see the positives in imperfection. When we reframe our thinking, we acknowledge our emotions, accept them for what they are, and then think about them in a more self-compassionate way.
Let’s explore how one mom reframed her thinking about her perceived failures. On an episode of the podcast Motherhood Sessions, hosted by reproductive psychologist Dr. Alexandra Sacks, we hear from a mother facing her own challenges with wanting to give her child the best. When the mother featured on the show chooses the easy route*—a frozen dinner—*over the time-intensive task of making a meal from scratch, she gains something in return: more time spent bonding with her child. Dr. Sacks supported the mother in reframing her negative thinking about not being able to cook the perfect dinner every night. The mother acknowledged and accepted her self-criticisms and then thought about the situation in a new, more self-compassionate light.
When you prioritize “doing what works” over striving for perfection, you create a healthier environment for both yourself and your family. This mindset shift allows you to let go of unnecessary pressures, guilt, and comparisons with others. The easier path might not always seem glamorous, but it can lead to more happiness, balance, and fulfillment in your life.
The next time you are faced with a choice between a difficult path and an easier one, consider whether the easier choice will allow you to accomplish the same goal as the more difficult one. Sometimes, the right choice might be the more challenging one because it aligns better with your long-term goals. However, in many cases, the easier path can be just as effective in achieving your desired outcomes. Trust your instincts and evaluate each situation based on what will be most beneficial for you and your family.
When we choose to do what works rather than what is perfect, we not only relieve ourselves of the pressure for perfection, but we make more time and energy for what is important: being present with ourselves and our loved ones. Give yourself permission to let go of judgments and comparisons, and trust that you have the strength and wisdom to make the right choices. By reframing your thinking and focusing on what truly matters, you can create a nurturing environment for you and your family.