While pregnancy and motherhood are exciting and joyous times, they are not without their challenging moments. We all experience difficulties, yet society continues to perpetuate what reproductive psychiatrists Drs. Alexandra Sacks and Catherine Birndorf like to call the "bliss myth." The bliss myth is the idea that joy is the primary emotion moms experience throughout motherhood.
The problem with the bliss myth is that it places unrealistic pressure on moms to conform to a specific emotional state—happiness. It ignores the fact that motherhood is a complex and multifaceted experience, encompassing a wide range of emotions such as joy and love, but also frustration, exhaustion, doubt, and anxiety. In this article, we'll explore how you can dissolve the bliss myth and navigate your unique path through motherhood with confidence.
Feeling emotions other than joy doesn't make you ungrateful or a bad mother—it makes you human! In their book, What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood, Drs. Sacks and Birndorf explain how social media's portrayal of perfection often reinforces the bliss myth. When we see people living picture-perfect lives on social media, we’re less likely to share with others what things are really like for us. When we only see curated versions of motherhood bliss on social media, we start to doubt ourselves. We may ask ourselves questions like, "Am I a good mom?" Or, "What am I doing wrong?" Because society tells us that we should be happy all the time, we hide our insecurities or moments of frustration from other moms and exaggerate how good things really are.
But what if we agreed to share our real stories? Your story about the day when nothing seemed to go right could help another mom who feels as if she is alone in her struggles. Models of perfection inspire insecurity, but models of reality can inspire solidarity. All mothers face challenges. If we embrace vulnerability and share our stories, we let others know that it’s okay if we aren’t happy all the time—in fact, it’s expected!
If you find that social media brings you down, consider taking a look at the people you are following. If their content doesn’t uplift you, it’s okay to unfollow them. It’s important to remember that the pictures people post don’t tell the whole story or share what’s going on behind the scenes.
Experiencing emotions other than joy doesn't make you any less loving or devoted. Instead of pushing difficult emotions down, you can honor how you’re feeling by practicing self-compassion. Recognize that your emotions are valid and part of your journey. By giving yourself permission to feel, you'll find strength in your vulnerability and resilience. Here are some practical ways you can show yourself some compassion today:
Whenever the "bliss myth" triggers feelings of self-doubt, remember that it’s okay to feel how you feel. By practicing self-compassion and sharing your authentic experiences with others, you're rewriting the narrative of motherhood, shifting from one of perfection and comparison to one of solidarity, resilience, and the full range of human emotions.