External pressures to be a “good parent” are exhausting. But striving for unattainable ideals often leads to burnout and feelings of inadequacy. The concept of being a “good enough” parent, introduced by pediatrician Donald Winnicott, reminds us that perfection isn’t the goal. In fact, when parents let their children experience tolerable disappointments, kids develop resilience—an essential skill for adulthood.
Knowing about the "good enough parent" concept is one thing; putting it into practice can be an entirely different challenge. Here’s how to get started:
Step 1: Notice the moments over the past week when you didn’t feel “good enough”:
When you uncover the triggers that make you feel like a bad parent, you can reframe those moments to focus on self-compassion, rather than self-blame.
Step 2: Define what is “good enough” for you and your family. Based on the triggers you noticed, ask yourself:
As an example, many parents dread playing on the floor with their child, yet feel guilty if they don’t do it because it seems like the “right” thing to do. Perhaps a shift could be towards shorter, intentional playtime, freeing up time for other needs as well. If this is you, research shows that just five minutes of focused play is enough to foster a bond with your child.
Parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up authentically for your child while also caring for yourself. By embracing a “good enough” mindset, you give your child—and yourself—the gift of resilience, balance, and connection.
Brené Brown reminds us that our self-compassion shapes our children far more than any parenting strategy ever could:
Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting… In terms of teaching our children to dare greatly in the “never enough” culture, the question isn’t so much “Are you parenting the right way?” as it is: “Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be? If we want our children to love and accept who they are, it’s our job to love and accept who we are.
from Daring Greatly
Carla Naumburg reveals that the heart of great parenting lies not in doing more, but in simply paying attention:
I couldn’t let go of the idea that there were Good Parents and Bad Parents, and even though I had some Good Parenting moments, I needed to learn more and buy and do more of the Right Things (whatever those may be) if I ever wanted to join the club. What I know now is that the secret to great parenting isn’t about learning or working or doing more. It’s about paying attention. […] Our ability to pay attention—to our children and ourselves—with kindness and curiosity is fundamental to effective parenting.
from Parenting in the Present Moment
How will you channel a "good enough" mindset this weekend?