Creating Space for Self-Love

Principles

Next week is Valentine’s Day — a holiday to celebrate love. Your ability to show and extend love and care to others begins with yourself. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that self-love is a luxury you can't afford, but today, we want to challenge that mindset. We’ll walk you through how to shift from a "Have. Do. Be." to a "Be. Do. Have." mindset to create more space for self-love in your day to day.

You may have heard yourself say or think statements like, "I know it's important to take care of myself, but I don't have the time, energy, money, motivation, space ... etc." This thought pattern can be described as a "Have. Do. Be." mindset. It goes like this:

• When I have the time, I'll take care of myself [do], and I'll be more relaxed.
• Once I have finished the dishes, I'll take care of myself [do], and I'll be accomplished.

With the "Have. Do. Be." mindset, you create a mental hurdle for self-love. You're positioning it as something that happens after you have everything else. Inevitably, self-love tends to fall to the bottom of your to-do list, if it makes the list at all.Now, let's consider a different perspective: a "Be. Do. Have." mindset. Imagine thinking like this:

• I am a patient parent [be]. I take care of myself [do], so I have the peace of mind to be patient with my children.
• I am a rock for my kids [be]. I take care of myself [do], so I'll have physical, emotional, and mental energy to support them.

With the "Be. Do. Have." mindset, you prioritize being the person you want to be, which leads to actions that align with that identity. By taking care of yourself first, you become better equipped to fulfill your role as a parent and enjoy the journey of parenthood. Here are some practical steps to help you embrace this mindset:

‍Step 1: Define your "be": Reflect on what self-care enables you to be. Who do you become when you're fully restored?

‍Step 2: Prioritize what you want to “do”: What are the specific self-care practices that allow you to be the person you want to be?

‍Step 3: Reflect on what you “have”: Imagine what your day might look like when you prioritize self-care and self-love. What will you have when you're being and doing what you've envisioned?

Remember that you are worth the time, energy, and love you invest in yourself. ❤️

A Few Perspectives

As zen teacher, Karen Maezen Miller, reminds us:

Love is what we are, when we drop all the things that stand in the way.

from Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life

‍Brené Brown highlights how self-love is radical:

In a society that says "Put yourself last," self-love and self-acceptance are almost revolutionary.

from The Gifts of Imperfection

‍Pause for Reflection

‍What will you be, do, and have this weekend?

‍Continue this reflection in the Moment for Parents app