Cultivating Helpful Positivity

January 10, 2025

Principles

As you step into a new year of growth and parenting, how might “helpful positivity” shape your self-talk and interactions with others? Helpful positivity—unlike toxic positivity—provides a healthy framework to honor difficult feelings without judgment. Rather than rushing to “get over” tough moments, helpful positivity allows you to “go through” them, embracing your feelings as valid and part of the journey. For example, you can be grateful for your children and still feel exacerbated on a particularly tough day. Acknowledging this duality reminds you that emotions are complex—and that’s okay. By striking this balance, you can stay grounded and show yourself the kindness you deserve.

To cultivate helpful positivity within yourself, consider these strategies:

  • Acknowledge your emotions: Recognize that negative emotions are a natural part of the human experience. Instead of denying them, allow yourself to acknowledge them without judgment.
  • Name your emotions: Give your feelings a name. By identifying your emotions, you take a proactive step in understanding and processing them. You can write them down or say them aloud (”I feel ____ .”).
  • Open up: Don't hesitate to discuss your emotions with supportive friends, family members, or a therapist. Sharing your feelings with nonjudgmental individuals can provide comfort and perspective.
  • Practice mindfulness: This involves being fully present in the moment, which can help you accept your feelings without judgment and let them pass instead of pushing them away.

You can also lead with helpful positivity when interacting with others, including your kids. Instead of offering superficially positive responses, you can try one of these responses:

  • “I hear you.”
  • “I am with you.”
  • “You are not alone.”
  • “How can I support you?”
  • “Tell me more.”
  • “How did that make you feel?”

This year, make room for every feeling and know that you’re doing an incredible job, one moment at a time.

A Few Perspectives

Author Matt Haig beautifully reminds us that happiness and calmness aren’t about forcing ourselves to think only happy thoughts—it’s about embracing all our thoughts with understanding and grace:

The key to happiness - or that even more desired thing, calmness - lies not in always thinking happy thoughts. No. That is impossible. No mind on earth with any kind of intelligence could spend a lifetime enjoying only happy thoughts. They key is in accepting your thoughts, all of them, even the bad ones. Accept thoughts, but don't become them. Understand, for instance, that having a sad thought, even having a continual succession of sad thoughts, is not the same as being a sad person.

‍from Reasons to Stay Alive

Authors, Christina Feldman and Willem Kuyken, remind us that cultivating helpful positivity begins with being present in the moment, accepting it as it is rather than focusing on how it "should" be:

In committing our attention to the present, just as it is rather than being lost in the narrative of how it should be, we begin to develop resilience and courage, cornerstones in the development of compassion.

‍from Mindfulness: Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Psychology

Pause for Reflection

How will you embrace helpful positivity in your self-talk this weekend?

Continue this reflection in the Moment for Parents app.