Accepting Imperfection During the Holidays

December 20, 2024

Principles

During the holidays, it’s easy to get caught up in societal ideals or inner expectations. Yet letting go of these ideals can make it easier to notice the joy this season brings. Parenthood is full of “both/and” moments: you can love creating memories for your family and feel overwhelmed by the effort it takes. Recognizing and honoring these mixed emotions is key to a meaningful holiday season.

Adjusting expectations is crucial for enjoying the holidays. Think “good enough,” not perfect. This might mean scaling back on decorations, opting for pre-made over home-cooked meals, or embracing a messy house and focusing on, “We’re glad you’re here!” Your loved ones will remember the connection, not the spotless floors. Here’s some concrete steps to turn this concept into action:

  • Skip: What tasks feel more like a chore than a joy? What traditions or experiences could you skip? For example, striving for a spotless, uncluttered home.
  • Energy: What traditions could you modify to preserve your energy? For example, sending holiday cards in January (or later! or at all!) because it’ll still be a nice surprise from loved ones.
  • Time Reduction: What traditions could be shortened to save you time? For example, swapping hours of gift wrapping for simple gift bags.
  • Swap: How could you swap a holiday tradition for something less involved? For example, meeting family at a restaurant instead of hosting at home.

Remember, the holidays don’t have to be picture-perfect to be memorable. By letting go of what doesn’t truly matter and focusing on moments that align with your values, you can create a season filled with presence and love for yourself and your family.

A Few Perspectives

Eve Rodsky, author of the New York Times Best-Selling Fair Play: A Game Changing Solution For When You Have Too Much To Do (And More Life To Live), suggests:

Before you automatically assert that the holidays are “on me” and single-handedly transform your home into a holiday theme park, pause and grab onto this mantra: I do not have to do it all. Rather than doing more, or continuing to believe that you should do it all by holding yourself to an unreasonable standard, save yourself from burnout and instead, sit down with your partner and make intentional choices about how you want to spend the holiday together as a couple, or as a family.

from Eve Rodsky on How To Have A Fair Play Holiday (this article is also related)

Self-care author, Brianna Wiest, reminds us that we have agency over the life we create for ourselves:

True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.

from This Is What Self-Care Really Means, Because It’s Not All Salt Baths And Chocolate Cake

Pause for Reflection

What holiday expectations could you let go of to make space for more joy?*

Continue this reflection in the Moment for Parents app.

* You might notice a few things that are too late to change this year. That's OK! Jot them down, so you can adapt next year. You'll thank yourself later!