Welcome to the first issue of our weekly parenting newsletter, where we hope to ease the pressure and reassure you as a parent!
You may have heard that Vivek Murthy, U.S. Surgeon General, recently declared parenting stress a public health emergency. We're hopeful this announcement will catalyze major systemic changes to alleviate parenting stress—including paid family leave, financial support for high-quality childcare, and investments in our schools, among others.
As crucial as these changes are, they won't be a cure-all. Even in countries with excellent family support systems like Finland, Sweden, and Norway, parents are struggling. The trend of "intensive parenting" is leading to intense psychological pressure and declines in parent mental health. We're isolated and alone, trying to parent within our nuclear families. Our current approach to parenting is not good for us or our children.
But here's the good news about parenting stress: there are practical skills we can all use to manage it. Some changes need to come from within, while others we can spark in our relationships and communities. That's what this newsletter aims to help you do. Each week, we'll send you a short "pep talk" with tactical strategies to let go of stress and find validation as a parent. So let’s dive in! 🪂
Parenting expectations are overwhelming. Many of us are constantly questioning: Is my kid meeting his or her milestones? Did I handle that tantrum right? Should I enroll my kid in XYZ activity or school? Am I doing this “right”? These questions swim in our heads amidst all the other tasks and responsibilities we hold at work and home. It’s a lot to carry.
We face an illusion that if we stay on top of our tasks and expectations, our kids will thrive, and it all will be worth it. But it’s a slippery slope. Living up to the expectations of others can lead to burnout at as a parent. This could feel like being exhausted, numb, and irritable more days than not. You could start to feel like you’re not a good parent, taking away from the joy and wonder of your parenting journey. All said, no one benefits from feeling overwhelmed.
So how can we let go of the pressure and expectations of parenting? Let things fall through the cracks. Ask yourself what truly deserves your time and energy. What can you afford to let go of (even if only temporarily)? How might you find a moment of rest? Letting things fall through the cracks isn't about laziness or irresponsibility. Instead, it's a valuable coping mechanism that allows you to refocus your energy and tap into the joy of parenting.
Writer, Zen practitioner, and mother, Karen Maezen Miller reminds us that we have the power to change and can choose where and how to focus our attention.
“But just for the record, there are many things you can do besides finish the dishes. Here are two: first, take a breath; second, tell yourself, I can change.
You can change in an instant. You can change your mind. You can change your timing. You can change your approach. You can change your words. You can laugh instead of scream. You can hop on one foot. You can step away from the fray instead of stepping in. You can give up, give in, and go in a completely different direction than you’d like to. You can do the dishes later.
You are change. You have infinite power to relax, to release, to change, and thus to change everything.”
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from Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood
Spiritual writer, poet, and teacher, Mark Nepo, encourages us to step away from the overwhelm to see what might fall away on its own.
“Sometimes the simplest and best use of our will is to drop it all and just walk out from under everything that is covering us, even if only for an hour or so—just walk out from under the webs we've spun, the tasks we've assumed, the problems we have to solve. They'll be there when we get back, and maybe some of them will fall apart without our worry to hold them up.”
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from The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have
Think about what’s occupying your mind these days. What parenting expectations could you let go of? What could “fall through the cracks” that could free up space for joy?
Continue this reflection in the Moment for Parents app