How we perceive uncomfortable situations is a key to reducing parenting stress. Think back on your week. Were there moments where you second-guessed yourself? Did you question if you did the right thing—whether in relation to your child or at work? Did you notice your mind worrying about an unknown future?
If you’ve identified a moment like this from last week, what happened next? It can be easy to slip into negative self-talk, which might sound like: “Why did I do that?” or “I shouldn’t have…” or “I know better than to…”
Yet negative self-talk is a gateway turning a stressful moment into a physical stress response. It’s easy to get stuck in negative self-talk, which often veers into self-criticism.
Instead, you can protect yourself from a stress response by redirecting your thinking towards compassion. Let’s walk through the steps to do this.
1. Recognize negative self-talk. Is your self-talk kind and supportive, or filled with self-criticism? Identifying negative self-talk is the foundation of change.
2. Pause when you notice negative self-talk patterns. When you catch yourself engaging in self-criticism, take a moment to pause. Imagine that your best friend is facing the same situation. How would you support them?
3. Speak to yourself like a friend. Now, apply the same level of love and empathy to yourself that you would offer a friend. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Use affirming and comforting language. Remind yourself that you're doing your best and that it's okay to make mistakes.
4. Practice self-care. Treat yourself with the same care and attention you would give to a loved one. What might you suggest to a friend? Take a break? Go for a walk? Go to bed early?
Remember, you have the power to shift your perspective to turn a potentially stressful mindset to a more compassionate one.
Self-compassion expert, Kristin Neff, highlights the difference between self-criticism and self-compassion:
Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you’re good enough, self-compassion asks what’s good for you?
from Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Author and meditation pioneer, Sharon Salzberg, reminds us that it’s never too late to change our thinking patterns:
It is never too late to turn on the light. Your ability to break an unhealthy habit or turn off an old tape doesn't depend on how long it has been running; a shift in perspective doesn't depend on how long you've held on to the old view.
When you flip the switch in that attic, it doesn't matter whether its been dark for ten minutes, ten years or ten decades.
The light still illuminates the room and banishes the murkiness, letting you see the things you couldn't see before.
Its never too late to take a moment to look.
from Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation
How will you be kind to yourself this weekend?
Continue this reflection in the Moment for Parents app.