You might already be familiar boundaries. Boundaries are the limits and rules we set in relationships to define who you are and what you need. As a parent, it’s easy to lose yourself and your needs in the thick of fulfilling the needs of your kids. It’s also hard to establish boundaries — even when you know you need them — because you might fear how the boundaries you need might disappoint your kids or others.
This week, I want to offer you a tactical phrase for setting boundaries for yourself. Try the following script:
Here’s what this could look like:
Will this phrase magically avoid conflict? Probably not. What this phrase can do is clarify what you need, so that you can handle the disappointed reactions that may come up. Setting and maintaining boundaries may not be easy, yet they are crucial for avoiding feelings like resentment and loneliness.
Cleo Wade, author, poet, and activist, so beautifully defines boundaries as:
Boundaries don't mean "I don't love you." Boundaries mean "I am going to love you and love myself at the same time."
Academic researcher, author, podcaster, and expert on shame and vulnerability, Brené Brown, explains the link between boundaries and compassion:
Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.
from Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution
What do you need this weekend? What boundary statement could help you achieve this?
Continue this reflection in the Moment for Parents app